Little

She’s crying. I’m angry. I’ve hurt her with my words. She hurts me, in turn, with hers. She doesn’t understand what it is I’ve said, but that’s now irrelevant… …I understand. I give in, and admit what it is I want because I want her to know, outwardly. It’s still not enough. She wants my silence. But we both want something, don’t we? We want to be understood, to be held… but it takes too much, to admit this grudge. But we’re both too strong, too controlling, too proud. We’re both ready to walk away, we both do. We both return. This little love grows, as does the fear, fear of this being a sign of more to come. But we’re both quite dumb. Both unwilling to let go, to trust, to love. She commands dignity, an apology, something else, the magic to heal a wound that won’t come. We both fall short… of our expectations. There is no common ground, unfortunately. I name the reasons to walk away, and I do, again, and yes, yet again. I watch her imitate the same actions. This silly game, she calls, I call, but here, we are. And I ache, I can admit this, its simple really, really simple. And again, my mind, my heart, floats, to where I see it all… everything tells me to walk away, tells her to walk away. It’s so easy this way. And maybe I should. And maybe I do. But I’m left like this, where it matters, most. I want her. I want to love her, to kiss her, to hold her, to protect her… But none of this is enough. The tears are enough. I’ll wave goodbye, with your tears in my eye. But it’s not what I want. It’s just what I’ve got. And no matter how much I’d like to, we won’t turn back. I could justify all that I’ve said or done. I can hear her do the same. It’s all righteous, worthy, who could argue? But it’s not enough for me, and I somehow doubt, it’s enough for you. But I’ll take them the same, I did, play along with this game…

But it was never what I wanted.

ⓒ 2005 Shawn Michael Quinn