This Year
Another year older, it came and went
Blood and the tears and the money spent
The new year's here with the same old cast
We dance and we drink like it may be our last
Buzzin' waitin' for the countdown to come
Feels like slow motion from ten to one
A kiss and the fireworks light the sky
Falling apart over Auld Lang Syne
Let's focus on this night alone
Just hope that we'd make it home alive
The Earth it turns, spring rushes in
Days get longer and nights go thin
Mother wakes up a little brighter than before
Cold melts away and the gardens grow
The air is crisp and fields are sweet
Grass and the daffodils tickling our feet
Flowers they bloom and the birds they sing
Fill up the day with the songs they bring
And I don't feel much like singing at all
Seasons change but
...I don't change at all
Well I've done wrong
Well I've done right
That's clear
Maybe I'll get better..
Maybe I'll get different..
This year
Ooh, here comes summer, well it's comin' in hot
No shirt, no school, give it all you got
The sun, it calls so let's go outside
Toastin' our drinks in the warm sunshine
The asphalt smoulders in the city streets
You better run fast or you're gonna burn your feet
Splashin' and yellin' the cannonball
Enough love and laughter for one and all
Oh the future's future's looking bright
I think that I might get it right after all
Moody autumn blows in off a summer wind
Leaves fall off of the trees, never see them again
Like embers they float into the streets
Golden and red and the dance repeats
Well it's close of the curtains, let's stay inside
No flower, no fruit and the lawns all die
Well how could it all fall apart so fast
And why would I think it would ever last?
When everything is dying, well how can I feel alive?
Oh, life is short, well all good things
...Disappear
Maybe I've been lost..
Maybe I'll get found..
This year
Well the winter and the cold come storming in
Kicks down the door and your blood runs thin
Day's too short and the night's too long
Carolers came, I can't sing along
Oh money's all gone, don't know where it went
Christmas ain't easy when you can't pay the rent
And the lights go out to a silent night
And all you can do is just stay in the fight
And I just can't feel the wrong
And I just can't see the right
Oh, life is hard..
I've been fighting..
The fear..
Maybe I've been lost..
Don't think I'll get found..
This year..
Well I've done wrong
Well I've done right
That's clear
But maybe I'll get better
Maybe I'll be different
Next year...
Fickle
WTF... seriously? You don't get to have me in your life on your terms only. We're not friends. That was Your choice! Live with it! I do. And that choice of yours was made long before I wrote my little devotee oblivion piece for you. You're worried about me? Call me! But you don't wanna talk to me. You just wanna clear your conscience... Maybe be able to show some one you felt me and texted me if I happen to off myself... Fuck You! Fucking leave! Close the door that you've already shut! I feel you too. So what? And I know you feel me. I don't need a fucking text. Not to confirm that.. We both feel it. We will forever. That's not going to change. So fuck the stupid text messages, emails, whatever... Its ego, and vanity, and you're better than that. At least you used to be.. Go live that perfect life you created for yourself. Fuck, you needed it! You were a goddamned basket case. I'm fucking happy for you. We don't need to speak. I know it. You know it. If you ever felt like you really needed to, you know you could call. I know I could as well. But we both know I won't. What would be the point? Even if I was going to off myself, I still wouldn't. There would be no point. But I'm not going to off myself. Time is precious. So is my daughter. So is yours. And you know, like I know, the only way out is through... So do us both a favor, at least on the surface, forget me. I will do the same. No one knows, or needs to know what we both know, what we both feel. The simple truth that we cannot escape each other. We can live completely separate lives, with Zer0 contact, but regularly, if not daily, feel each other. That is never going away. I gave up on that years ago. I released myself from thinking that could ever change. I suspect when I am dead, it, this, will remain, even when almost nothing else does. I can hope that it might make a little more sense then, but I also know better than to hope... I'll say it here, because "somehow" no matter what's going on, if I put it outside of myself (ie: here, or talk to someone about it, or speak it aloud) things somehow reflect backward outwardly, and webs connect, even though I don't quite understand how, yet when I don't, it doesn't... Panopticon? Perhaps... Maybe kharma is just a fickle bitch, like you, and only likes things done her way... But I digress... I don't understand it, the connection we share. But again, my understanding is not required, obviously... Yeah, I miss you. But I also hate you. I assume likewise. We make our choices. We made ours. And we need to live with it. Anangi = need. Funny how everything, somehow, one way or another, comes around, full circle. The circle is closing though. The file's, soon to be complete. I feel it. Do you? I suspect so. Don't reach out again. Not by text. Preferably not at all. But if you really need me...
Call.
ⓒ 2017 Shawn Michael Quinn
Call.
ⓒ 2017 Shawn Michael Quinn
The Web Again
The synchronicity follows me
I'm starting to see the web again
In Everything
I feel tapped in
Not that it helps me
It's just worth noting..
Like she said
That time
About the diagnosis
Were it her's
What it would be
Yeah, basically
That's me...
I can feel the undertow pulling
Welling the wave
The crest, and the break
Bubbling under
As I try to weather
The water
Balancing between
Giving my all
And giving up...
My patterns dance before me
Mocking me,
Laughingly
Reflections in the world outside
Disguised by smiles
Signaling would be demise
But I pay attention to the divinations
Read between the lines
Following the signs
Abandoning base desires
As I wear these lies
And autopilot replies
..Quietly
I can't go on as I have
And although I see the path laid before me
I'm unable to set it down
The timing isn't right
I can see the traps
The layers of flaw..
The board and the pawn.
And her
This cracked mirror
This cloud changing with the wind
This heat rising from the wing
This shot with my beer
This whisper in my ear
This promise of all fulfilled that we feel
You are this idea of hope
The one thing I have yet to kill..
You, and I, cannot coexist
You have to die
The kiss with the fist..
The draw
Knowing there's no other way,
but to quit.
Letting go, it gets harder
Egos never die
Losers Winners never try
There's nothing for me here
No love
No hope
No future
No why
This is the death
Of what holds on inside
That which identifies
With what defines
Life
ⓒ 2017 Shawn Michael Quinn
I'm starting to see the web again
In Everything
I feel tapped in
Not that it helps me
It's just worth noting..
Like she said
That time
About the diagnosis
Were it her's
What it would be
Yeah, basically
That's me...
I can feel the undertow pulling
Welling the wave
The crest, and the break
Bubbling under
As I try to weather
The water
Balancing between
Giving my all
And giving up...
My patterns dance before me
Mocking me,
Laughingly
Reflections in the world outside
Disguised by smiles
Signaling would be demise
But I pay attention to the divinations
Read between the lines
Following the signs
Abandoning base desires
As I wear these lies
And autopilot replies
..Quietly
I can't go on as I have
And although I see the path laid before me
I'm unable to set it down
The timing isn't right
I can see the traps
The layers of flaw..
The board and the pawn.
And her
This cracked mirror
This cloud changing with the wind
This heat rising from the wing
This shot with my beer
This whisper in my ear
This promise of all fulfilled that we feel
You are this idea of hope
The one thing I have yet to kill..
You, and I, cannot coexist
You have to die
The kiss with the fist..
The draw
Knowing there's no other way,
but to quit.
Letting go, it gets harder
Egos never die
There's nothing for me here
No love
No hope
No future
No why
This is the death
Of what holds on inside
That which identifies
With what defines
Life
ⓒ 2017 Shawn Michael Quinn
Push
Get out of your head
Get out of the way
Everything you love
Don’t push it away
What will you do?
What will you do?
She tilts a candle to the flame
Smooths out the paper
Writes his name
Collects her thoughts and spills her guts with love
She sends it off
It meets his hands
He reads the words and understands
He tilts a candle to the flame with love
She cuts her hair
She lost her mind
Throws down a fist
And reached for the wine
He combs his hair
Makes up his mind
Threw open the door
He’s hoping to find her there
She saunters home
And wonders if he’s thinking of her
‘Cause she’s thinking of him
That feeling never goes away
The moonlight settles on her eyes
As panic leads her into the lies
Will I ever hear from him again?
Letter in hand
Feeling the twist and the turning inside
For a woman he burns for
The fire is out
Letter is torn
You did this so
Get out of my way
Get out of my head
Mind where you are standing now
You let it get this way
Get out of the way (get out of the way)
Get out of your head (get out of your head)
Mind where you are standing now (you're standing now)
You let it get this way
So you got in your head
You got in the way
Everything you love
You push it away
Maybe it’s you
Maybe it’s you
In Time
Sometimes those lines become untied
And sometimes the knots
Are worth more than we might have realized
The underworld often intertwines its designs
And what we are sometimes unable to understand
In time, can save our lives..
The angels and demons
So often look the same
And the exorcism ritual
Can often just look like a game
But believing in control
Is how the player becomes the played
Hope
In the world of the hopeless
Is the first thing you forget how to feel
But I ache the same
Without it
As I did with it
So one might question
What type of sacrifice is it?
Really?
What it felt like
To be inspired
And alive
Without the bend and the bold
The time how it wears
What getting old does to the soul
How hope can so easily disappear
How these heartlines mean so much more than
Fear
Trust, and faith
The gods, they divine
Minuscule is our nature
But love, the web, the heartlines
Impartial to our offerings
The pawn sacrifice
To ground yourself in the earth of everyday
To burn yourself in the fire of the fray
To relieve yourself in the air of yesterday
To drown yourself in the drama of today
This is what it means to live
to love........
Not to beg for the pain
But to embrace it
with the love
the same
To tell Death "Not Today"
To sharpen the rusted wire
With the lubricant of flesh's desire
To scream to these satellites
You're gods with no souls
And yes, although we'll die alone
We are twins, in body and in soul
Eternal
You too, are mere pawns in this scheme
Playing your part to provide our purpose
Life, Love, This... the divine Dream!
ⓒ 2017 Shawn Michael Quinn
And sometimes the knots
Are worth more than we might have realized
The underworld often intertwines its designs
And what we are sometimes unable to understand
In time, can save our lives..
The angels and demons
So often look the same
And the exorcism ritual
Can often just look like a game
But believing in control
Is how the player becomes the played
Hope
In the world of the hopeless
Is the first thing you forget how to feel
But I ache the same
Without it
As I did with it
So one might question
What type of sacrifice is it?
Really?
What it felt like
To be inspired
And alive
Without the bend and the bold
The time how it wears
What getting old does to the soul
How hope can so easily disappear
How these heartlines mean so much more than
Fear
Trust, and faith
The gods, they divine
Minuscule is our nature
But love, the web, the heartlines
Impartial to our offerings
The pawn sacrifice
To ground yourself in the earth of everyday
To burn yourself in the fire of the fray
To relieve yourself in the air of yesterday
To drown yourself in the drama of today
This is what it means to live
to love........
Not to beg for the pain
But to embrace it
with the love
the same
To tell Death "Not Today"
To sharpen the rusted wire
With the lubricant of flesh's desire
To scream to these satellites
You're gods with no souls
And yes, although we'll die alone
We are twins, in body and in soul
Eternal
You too, are mere pawns in this scheme
Playing your part to provide our purpose
Life, Love, This... the divine Dream!
ⓒ 2017 Shawn Michael Quinn
And how it felt...
Am I vintage, cause my life is analogue?
Is it retro, to read on the metro, or put a record on?
And is it passé to think I ain't seen enough?
And is it old-school baby to still feel stuck?
Just a memory, then suddenly
Tears come rolling down..
Babe, don't worry, just remembering
Not everything was better in the past, no, no
Not everything was better in the past
Am I dated, cause I shout at the waves
Asking the questions that I'll never get answered
For the rest of my days...
Am I jaded by the notches on my belt
All I know is where I've been, and how it felt..
So when the memory comes suddenly
Tears come rolling down, babe, don't worry
Just remembering
Not everything was better in the past, no, no
Not everything was better in the past, no, no
Not everything was better in the past
Oh, oh no no no no...
Is it nostalgic to see my girl, all dressed up
Hair all messed up, with that look in her eyes
It says we're gonna make it...
Worlds Away
Summer nights and long warm days
Are stolen as the old moon falls
And my mirror shows another face
Another place to hide it all
Another place to hide it all
And I'm lost, behind
The words I'll never find
And I'm left behind
As seasons roll on by
Sleeping with a full moon blanket
Sand and feathers for my head
Dreams have never been the answer
And dreams have never made my bed
Dreams have never made my bed
And I'm lost, behind
The words I'll never find
And I'm left behind
As the seasons roll on by, yeah
Well I want to fly above the storm
But you can't grow feathers in the rain
And the naked floor is cold as hell
Mmm, the naked floor reminds me
Oh, the naked floor reminds me
That I'm lost, behind
The words I'll never find
And I'm left behind
As the seasons roll on by, yeah
If I should be short on words
And long on things to say
Could you crawl into my world
And take me worlds away
Should I be beside myself
And not even stay
Well I'm lost, behind
The words I'll never find
And I'm left behind
As the seasons roll on by, yeah
~RIP, Chris Cornell
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