This Year

Another year older, it came and went
Blood and the tears and the money spent
The new year's here with the same old cast
We dance and we drink like it may be our last
Buzzin' waitin' for the countdown to come
Feels like slow motion from ten to one
A kiss and the fireworks light the sky
Falling apart over Auld Lang Syne
Let's focus on this night alone
Just hope that we'd make it home alive
The Earth it turns, spring rushes in
Days get longer and nights go thin
Mother wakes up a little brighter than before
Cold melts away and the gardens grow
The air is crisp and fields are sweet
Grass and the daffodils tickling our feet
Flowers they bloom and the birds they sing
Fill up the day with the songs they bring
And I don't feel much like singing at all
Seasons change but
...I don't change at all
Well I've done wrong
Well I've done right
That's clear
Maybe I'll get better..
Maybe I'll get different..
This year

Ooh, here comes summer, well it's comin' in hot
No shirt, no school, give it all you got
The sun, it calls so let's go outside
Toastin' our drinks in the warm sunshine
The asphalt smoulders in the city streets
You better run fast or you're gonna burn your feet
Splashin' and yellin' the cannonball
Enough love and laughter for one and all
Oh the future's future's looking bright
I think that I might get it right after all
Moody autumn blows in off a summer wind
Leaves fall off of the trees, never see them again
Like embers they float into the streets
Golden and red and the dance repeats
Well it's close of the curtains, let's stay inside
No flower, no fruit and the lawns all die
Well how could it all fall apart so fast
And why would I think it would ever last?
When everything is dying, well how can I feel alive?
Oh, life is short, well all good things
...Disappear
Maybe I've been lost..
Maybe I'll get found..
This year

Well the winter and the cold come storming in
Kicks down the door and your blood runs thin
Day's too short and the night's too long
Carolers came, I can't sing along
Oh money's all gone, don't know where it went
Christmas ain't easy when you can't pay the rent
And the lights go out to a silent night
And all you can do is just stay in the fight
And I just can't feel the wrong
And I just can't see the right
Oh, life is hard..
I've been fighting..
The fear..
Maybe I've been lost..
Don't think I'll get found..
This year..
Well I've done wrong
Well I've done right
That's clear
But maybe I'll get better
Maybe I'll be different
Next year...

Fickle

WTF... seriously?  You don't get to have me in your life on your terms only. We're not friends. That was Your choice!  Live with it!  I do. And that choice of yours was made long before I wrote my little devotee oblivion piece for you.  You're worried about me? Call me!  But you don't wanna talk to me.  You just wanna clear your conscience... Maybe be able to show some one you felt me and texted me if I happen to off myself... Fuck You!  Fucking leave!  Close the door that you've already shut!  I feel you too.  So what?  And I know you feel me.  I don't need a fucking text.  Not to confirm that.. We both feel it.  We will forever.  That's not going to change.  So fuck the stupid text messages, emails, whatever... Its ego, and vanity, and you're better than that. At least you used to be.. Go live that perfect life you created for yourself. Fuck, you needed it! You were a goddamned basket case.  I'm fucking happy for you. We don't need to speak. I know it. You know it. If you ever felt like you really needed to, you know you could call. I know I could as well.  But we both know I won't.  What would be the point? Even if I was going to off myself, I still wouldn't. There would be no point. But I'm not going to off myself. Time is precious.  So is my daughter.  So is yours. And you know, like I know, the only way out is through... So do us both a favor, at least on the surface, forget me.  I will do the same.  No one knows, or needs to know what we both know, what we both feel.  The simple truth that we cannot escape each other.  We can live completely separate lives, with Zer0 contact, but regularly, if not daily, feel each other.  That is never going away.  I gave up on that years ago.  I released myself from thinking that could ever change.  I suspect when I am dead, it, this, will remain, even when almost nothing else does. I can hope that it might make a little more sense then, but I also know better than to hope... I'll say it here, because "somehow" no matter what's going on, if I put it outside of myself (ie: here, or talk to someone about it, or speak it aloud) things somehow reflect backward outwardly, and webs connect, even though I don't quite understand how, yet when I don't, it doesn't... Panopticon?  Perhaps... Maybe kharma is just a fickle bitch, like you, and only likes things done her way... But I digress... I don't understand it, the connection we share.  But again, my understanding is not required, obviously... Yeah, I miss you. But I also hate you.  I assume likewise.  We make our choices.  We made ours. And we need to live with it.  Anangi = need.  Funny how everything, somehow, one way or another, comes around, full circle.  The circle is closing though.  The file's, soon to be complete. I feel it. Do you? I suspect so. Don't reach out again. Not by text. Preferably not at all. But if you really need me...
Call.

ⓒ 2017 Shawn Michael Quinn