My Lover Sleeps

My lover sleeps weary in my bed

Dreaming, believing the voices in her head

I can watch her and see her

Living all those lives

All the while knowing

There’s more to this than meets the eye

All of those illusions and people

Could not be more real than this

But in the morning when waking

None will make any sense

It’s amazing, the way

We pull it back around

This life and reality

To pull it back so snug and sound

But maybe I’m dreaming

And it’s the other way around

And this life that I see

Is not so snug and sound

All these signs and symbols

Tend to confuse the mind

Sending similes and metaphors

Not so easy to define

Or maybe, I’m just crazy

And wasting my precious time

By thinking of possibilities

And nothing that touches ground

But there’s that one day

That I know it could all just make sense

But I know by that time

I’ll most likely be

On the other side of the fence

But still I don’t mind playing all these games

Cause my life and my dreams

Are often close to the same

But until then when I go

I’ll keep it all the same

Cause I know there’s nothing wrong with this insane

ⓒ 2001 Shawn Michael Quinn

2001 Soundtrack

One Thing

One thing is all that’s important to everyone

It’s different for everyone

Sometimes it’s the same

Only for some people

More contradictions

Read further…

There’s only one thing

That’s most important to everyone

When faced with a choice

It comes down to one thing

Even if it’s a mistake

It’s always one thing, just one thing

If you know what it is for you, you’re ahead

If you find someone who has the same one thing

You’re happy no matter what

Nothing else in your life needs to matter

To them or to you

Nothing else in their life needs to matter

To them or to you

Just that one thing in common that the two of you share

One thing, that one thing

I don’t know what mine is

Love or the random, or growth, or the unknown

I think its love

And when that fails it’s the unknown

But I don’t know

Love only fails temporarily though

There’s almost always someone coming

Hopes and dreams keep us believing

Because we don’t know

If we knew, we wouldn’t need to believe

Life is that simple

To focus on the one most important thing

That one thing

What is it?  I wish I knew

Then I wouldn’t have to be a believer

And neither would you

I remembered this theory from a stupid movie

But that wasn’t what inspired this

Alcohol and truth

Blend in strange ways

There’s a crack between the two worlds we have access to

That beer and inspiration sometimes

Seem to open or pry

Tonight I was lucky enough to see through

And as always I want to share it with you

Someone who sometimes seems able to see too

ⓒ 2001 Shawn Michael Quinn

If Nothing Else

Give me this, if nothing else

You don’t understand

Or you don’t care

Fine!

Just give me this

If nothing else

A moment to tear

A moment free of fears

A moment alone

A moment to feel alive

Like a bench with any view

Watching people move

In and out of my reality

In and out of breath

Cold air and bored stares

Memories like fantasies

That I dress up with lies

And more questions why

Give me this, please!

If nothing else

How beer tastes

When you’ve been desensitized to everything else

How love feels

After you’ve given up on it

How beautiful she looks

When you’ve already fallen out of love with her

I don’t understand either

I just try to

If nothing else

I don’t know if there’s a God

Or something after

This waste of time

I don’t know if what I believe in is true

Or even if I truly believe in it

I’m just here wasting time, like you

Wandering around in the dark

Pretending I know or believe

Or that it matters

If nothing else

Give me this

Please!

ⓒ 2001 Shawn Michael Quinn

There'll Always Be Someone...

Things whisper themselves into me, my brain

Like dreams not worth dreaming

Or dead people still breathing

Or things not to try for

Things not to care for

Like poetry, love or myself

Money is good

So are nice cars and houses

Families too!

Oh, and giving your breath away

Cynical, am I?

No, well maybe

I think I’m just tired of life and bullshit

Of wasting my time thinking about life and its bullshit

I’m out of shape

And know the reasons why I should get in shape

I just don’t care

I act like I do, but I don’t

There will always be someone to fuck

With or without these bitch tits

Or a beer belly

So if she leaves me, I’ll get another

And if she doesn’t leave

She may fuck someone else

But chances are, I’ll never know

I wonder if I would care

Or just care about the thought of it

One day (If I live that long)

I’ll get old and people will expect it

A fat belly, a drooping face, bitch tits

And a wrinkled dick

And of course, death

But I have from now until then

To lie to them

And act as if I know I should be concerned

My back hurts because I can’t shit

It’s funny how everything loses it’s importance when

You can’t take a good shit

Including hope

ⓒ 2001 Shawn Michael Quinn

Every being in the universe..

J Entry 10142001

xtyna is here, asleep in my bed.  I'm in the kitchen, writing.. stoned.. alone..  She came up from nj tonight to Simon's place.  I got drunk off some red wine before she got there.  I'm mad at myself.  I missed those moments.. like I'm missing these ones now.. while she's in my bed.. sleeping.. and I'm in the kitchen, writing..

The Tears Of God

The moon had a yellowish tint last night

The wind blew hard as if to be heard

And the rain fell like the tears of God

Still now it falls…

The trees swayed with accepting fate

Knowing nothing can be done but to wait

For these tears to cease

For the wind to ease

My confidant disappears this morning

As he does most days among the light

But yesterday he shone himself just a little while longer

I suppose to share with me faith..

When I heard the tears of God fall last night

And the winds of frustration as his children fight

I knew to let go and embrace my love

I wept but my tears would not come

I crawled inside her like a womb

Even as I wanted to run

God lives in and through each of our lives

He feels every emotion we feel

Sometimes he takes over

And we’re able to feel him as he feels us

Last night I overflowed with love, pity, sadness and frustration

Last night, God cried for me

Today, I cry for him

ⓒ 2001 Shawn Michael Quinn

Shifting Skin

Pink Sheets

Flesh and naked skin

Embracing under pink sheets covering our world

I stare into your imperfections

And believe in love

Kisses and hands caressing

Moments and thoughts while undressing

This is what I call life

What it means to be alive

I don’t understand the word love

But I understand what it means

To be in your arms, in your eyes

This fear that circles the room

These dreams that circle you and I

I can taste a future

I can taste broken hearts

I walk through this the same

Believing in God’s game

I don’t know what love is

But I feel God when I touch you

These hopes and fears

Burn beyond the years

I will never forget one of these moments

At least this, I know, is meant to be

ⓒ 2001 Shawn Michael Quinn

One Day

One day this will all be over

And we’ll sit pondering days passed

Questioning the life we’ve lived

And the times we laughed

Knowing none us this will accompany us

Through this door that’s coming towards

I wonder what I will reflect upon

And what will appear to be real

Remembering every missed opportunity

And everything we’ve ever feared

Regret, the poison, bitterness of tongue

Knowing now that what’s done is done

It’s over now, no sense in trying

All of these possessions

And reasons to deny acceptance

Life is what happens

When we’re busy making plans

And so few of us ever truly understand

This breath we breathe

Is only a moment in eternity

A gift so simple 

Yet so hard to perceive

Only the taste of true love

Stays in the memories

ⓒ 2001 Shawn Michael Quinn

Back in the atmosphere...

Play

I've been playing with my vision, my perception, shifting my eyes out of focus to see things slightly different.  Its strange how objects assume identities when you let them play, lines on paper, light through clouds, shadows on the wall, and lines on skin - all of these things have life and identity when singled out and freed from our normal perceptions.  It is beautiful.  We humans are such prisoners to our learned perceptions..  we lose it in childhood when we try to be part of this world, then we forget the gift.  We give up the child's eyes and all he's seen, that inner child, or something that was awed by everything that passed by his eyes...

I contemplated this as I drove home tonight, how people say that its all about perception, all about how you perceive things, but its not so simple. Its also about what you focus on and how you focus.  Its also what you are aware of - the possibilities that you believe exist of don't - thats when the choices appear and we perceive freedom of choice, then focusing on that choice of what we want to see, or feel.. Eyes are the window to the soul and so our souls travel to the world through our eyes.  We mingle with what we perceive and focus on, all the beauty, all the filth, all the passion, and all the pain.. All of it is for us to see, to feel, to touch, and to breathe in...

Shelter

Italian Cake

Alyki

When it's over...

Sets

This Darkness sets in to a bright room
My mind wanders down roads I'd rather not go
These thoughts and dreams of boring lives
and wedding cakes
and the death of creativity
I fear and loathe that road

I see the years pass before my eyes
My past meets my present and the two do not recognize each other
They have nothing to say
And neither do I
Its funny how roads split and take you places you've never imagined
I'm alone and comfortably disturbed
Shadows fall upon me and I'd have it no other way

Years, tears, fears and beer.
What better way to waste a life
Names on pages of records
tasteless fantasies
daydreams
impossible dreams
and now
movie screens...

enjoy..

ⓒ 2001 Shawn Michael Quinn

But careful what you're giving.

As your bony fingers close around me

Long and spindly death becomes me

Heaven, can you see what I see?

Hey, you pale and sickly child

You're death and living reconciled

Been walking home a crooked mile

Paying debt to karma 

You party for a living

What you take won't kill you

But careful what you're giving

Can you feel a little love?

Can you feel a little love?

Dream on, dream on

There's no time for hesitating

Pain is ready, pain is waiting

Primed to do it's educating

Unwanted uninvited kin

It creeps beneath your crawling skin

It lives without, it lives within you

Feel the fever coming

You're shaking and twitching

You can scratch all over

But that won't stop you itching

Can you feel a little love?

Can you feel a little love?

Dream on, dream on

Blame it on your karmic curse

Or shame upon the universe

It knows its lines, it's well rehearsed

It sucked you in, it dragged you down

To where there is no hallow ground

Where holiness is never found

Paying debt to karma you party for a living

What you take won't kill you

But careful what you're giving

Can you feel a little love?

Can you feel a little love?

Dream on, dream on

As Poets, we did not have limitations

The divine is off limits to experimental science, because God is not of the nature of space-time. God's dimension is eternity, a dimension that has no beginning, no end, and no change.

Six Degrees Of Separation

These six degrees of separation

Between you and what I have come to be

Bridges crumble with the weight of honesty

I can see it in your eyes

The fear of that which we cannot control

Holding on to the fear of letting go

Respect the boundaries of communication and greed

I again taste what I have pushed to bleed

Nothing seems to remove these truths

No matter what sneaks up under my skin

I have begun not always to try to win

Pushing envelopes of the fears I hold

No blind faith, nor blind fear can hold me here

I'll taste and bleed then separate

Change these fears to love or hate

Create, cooperate, express, stabilize

Open the doors to freedom and to my eyes

This vision awakens and becomes division

Six times the days between something that meant anything

I have learned to let go of me... finally

ⓒ 2001 Shawn Michael Quinn

Spiral out, keep going..

Black then white are all I see in my infancy

Red and yellow then came to be

Reaching out to me, lets me see

As below so above and beyond, I imagine

Drawn beyond the lines of reason

Push the envelope, watch it bend

Over thinking, over analyzing, separate the body from the mind

Withering my intuition, missing opportunities 

And I must feed my will to feel my moment

Drawing way outside the lines

Black then white are all I see in my infancy

Red and yellow then came to be

Reaching out to me, lets me see 

There is so much more that beckons me 

To look through to these infinite possibilities

As below so above and beyond, I imagine

Drawn outside the lines of reason

Push the envelope, watch it bend

Over thinking, over analyzing, separate the body from the mind

Withering my intuition, leaving opportunities behind

Feed my will to feel this moment 

Urging me to cross the line

Reaching out to embrace the random

Reaching out to embrace whatever may come

I embrace my desire to

I embrace my... desire to feel the rhythm

To feel connected

Enough to step aside and 

Weep like a willow

To feel inspired

To fathom the power

To witness the beauty

To bathe in the fountain

To swing on the spiral

To swing on the spiral 

To swing on the spiral of our divinity and

Still be a human

With my feet upon the ground

I lose myself between the sounds 

And open wide to suck it in

I feel it move across my skin

I'm reaching up and reaching out

I'm reaching for the random or 

Whatever will bewilder me

Whatever will bewilder me

And following our will and wind 

We may just go where no one's been

We'll ride the spiral to the end 

And may just go where no one's been

Spiral out, keep going

Spiral out, keep going

Spiral out, keep going

Spiral out, keep going

All The Same

God, I love to turn my little blue world upside down

God, I love to turn my little blue world upside down

Inside my head the noise, chatter, chatter, chatter, chatter, chatter

You see I'm afraid I'll always be still coming out of my mother, upside down

Don't you love to turn this little blue girl upside down

Oh, I know you love to turn this little blue girl, baby, upside down

But my heart, it says you've been shattered, shattered, shattered, shattered, shattered

And I know you're still a boy, still coming out of your mother

But when you going to stand on your own

I say the world is sick, you say tell me what makes us, darling?

You see you always find my faults faster than you find you're own

You say the world is getting rid of her demons

I say, baby, what have you been smoking?

Well, I dreamed, I dreamed, I dreamed I loved a black boy

...My daddy would scream, oh yeah

Don't you love to turn this little blue girl upside down

Any kind of touch I think is better than none even upside down

But you see I'm tangled up, got a kitten, kitten, kitten, kitten in my hair

Cincinnati, I like the word, it's the only thing we can't seem to turn upside down

Well, I found the secret to life, I found the secret to life

I'm okay when everything is not okay

I said, I found the secret to life, I found the secret to life

I'm okay when everything ..is not okay ..is not okay

Don't we love to turn our little blue world upside down

I said don't we love to turn our little blue world baby upside down

Inside my head a voice, chatter, chatter, chatter, chatter, chatter

And it says, girl, you're all the same, still coming out of your mothers

Still coming out of your mothers, upside down.

Such

To walk through the world

When fear has disappeared

To taste rain as it drips down my face

To learn the language of birds

To hear a crowded room in the distance

As it echoes within me

Like a window only cracked open

Focus on the voice

As it’s spoken

Pain and tears

Sweetness and the bitter

Flow in and out like this water

Floating on winds, whispering a song

My voice carries over time and space

When woken to the waking dream

And nothing is

As it seems

I know you’ll feel this too

You dream and I touch

Gifts, to believe in such

Obscenities 

As soulmates and birthdates

The insane breed the pain

And the sane,

Well, they breed the same

I’ve lacked for so long the words

I live one and the same

Contradict, whore,

Taste

And taste more

Still nothing compares

Each day to practice and prepare

For a life not even death could destroy

Hearts, aces, clubs, and diamonds

What’s red turns black

What’s black turns red

Until the day we end up dead

Taste blood on your tongue

And pray the day comes

To choke you the way you deceived

Reflection, kill the sedation

And taste each tear of that ocean

One day we’ll both see

How much of it is need

Because it doesn’t matter 

That much less to me

ⓒ 2001 Shawn Michael Quinn

For Liz

On the verge of tears

We sit and speak your name

Love and Joy flowed from your presence

And still it circles us in this absence

No way to put these emotions into words

No way to settle this overflowing

Time were left with as it's been taken from you

Somehow I know a greater gift has been given

Houses of Stone surrounded by wings

We hear your horns blow and instantly know

You are still with us and will always be

Life and Death two sides of one coin

Each day we toss it into the skies

Until the day it lands on the other side

These memories so sweet

That confident look in her eyes

As constant as the star she followed

As beautiful as the smile she echoed

You will be missed until the day we join you

Sunflower, Heart child

You blessed each and every one of our lives

ⓒ 2001 Shawn Michael Quinn

Capitalism

~Jennie Tagle

Sacred Geometry

He deals the cards as a meditation

And those he plays never suspect

He doesn't play for the money he wins

He don't play for respect

He deals the cards to find the answer

The sacred geometry of chance

The hidden law of a probable outcome

The numbers lead a dance

I know that the spades are the swords of a soldier

I know that the clubs are weapons of war

I know that diamonds mean money for this art

But that's not the shape of my heart

He may play the jack of diamonds

He may lay the queen of spades

He may conceal a king in his hand

While the memory of it fades

I know that the spades are the swords of a soldier

I know that the clubs are weapons of war

I know that diamonds mean money for this art

But that's not the shape of my heart

That's not the shape, the shape of my heart

If I told her that I loved you

You'd maybe think there's something wrong

I'm not a man of too many faces, the mask I wear is one

But those who speak know nothing, and find out to their cost

Like those who curse their luck in too many places

And those who fear are lost

I know that the spades are the swords of a soldier

I know that the clubs are weapons of war

I know that diamonds mean money for this art

But that's not the shape of my heart

That's not the shape of my heart

That's not the shape, the shape of my heart

Been Done

I had this dream

I swam in the midst of wires

Scratching, pulling, biting

I destroyed all that I desired

But it rewarded me nothing

My feelings remained

All remained meaningless

Senseless efforts to distract father time

Something to appease the mind

Unable to sit still

Unable to fill this void

Unable to taste the sweetness

You remember from that old dream

And then you remember that it was only a dream

As you plead to fall back asleep

But your eyes are desensitized and know

No dream like that will ever come again

Being awake is less fun

But being dead too has already been done

ⓒ 2001 Shawn Michael Quinn

Floa

It comes and overflows or it doesn't come at all
Its been screaming for the past few days
I haven't had the time, even as I float
To let it floa...
Her and Him, patterns and circles, yet again
Jesus, and humanity, and tears, and eyes that burn

Nothing escapes
I'm burning
Tears welling
Eyes hold on to me
People cling to me
I'm horny..
Or should I say whore-ny
Whore NYC
the fucking whore in me who knows none of this
Bullshit
Matters
I hear your conversations
I see notes compared
And things to bond upon
To reminisce
To capture what I destroyed
To have a common enemy
Or scapegoat at least

The innocence of human nature
these wings dripping with blood
Eyes that engrave and hold
This red, yours and mine
You temp and test me
But, I let it floa
As I flowt here (inside of forever)
If it ever came to this
The whore I've become
The saint you've sown
I fuck and fuck and fuck
I'm whoreny  in this city
I seek, tongue, and rape
The minds of my flesh
Digging in, tearing out
twisting and turning
Through this yearning and burning
Without words worthy of waste
Another type of blood I taste
Following the from extreme to extreme
We become dizzy
And let go of your focus
Seeing truth
Seeing you
The whore in you
Live it out
Like anything
And everything
Else.

ⓒ 2001 Shawn Michael Quinn