Fickle

WTF... seriously?  You don't get to have me in your life on your terms only. We're not friends. That was Your choice!  Live with it!  I do. And that choice of yours was made long before I wrote my little devotee oblivion piece for you.  You're worried about me? Call me!  But you don't wanna talk to me.  You just wanna clear your conscience... Maybe be able to show some one you felt me and texted me if I happen to off myself... Fuck You!  Fucking leave!  Close the door that you've already shut!  I feel you too.  So what?  And I know you feel me.  I don't need a fucking text.  Not to confirm that.. We both feel it.  We will forever.  That's not going to change.  So fuck the stupid text messages, emails, whatever... Its ego, and vanity, and you're better than that. At least you used to be.. Go live that perfect life you created for yourself. Fuck, you needed it! You were a goddamned basket case.  I'm fucking happy for you. We don't need to speak. I know it. You know it. If you ever felt like you really needed to, you know you could call. I know I could as well.  But we both know I won't.  What would be the point? Even if I was going to off myself, I still wouldn't. There would be no point. But I'm not going to off myself. Time is precious.  So is my daughter.  So is yours. And you know, like I know, the only way out is through... So do us both a favor, at least on the surface, forget me.  I will do the same.  No one knows, or needs to know what we both know, what we both feel.  The simple truth that we cannot escape each other.  We can live completely separate lives, with Zer0 contact, but regularly, if not daily, feel each other.  That is never going away.  I gave up on that years ago.  I released myself from thinking that could ever change.  I suspect when I am dead, it, this, will remain, even when almost nothing else does. I can hope that it might make a little more sense then, but I also know better than to hope... I'll say it here, because "somehow" no matter what's going on, if I put it outside of myself (ie: here, or talk to someone about it, or speak it aloud) things somehow reflect backward outwardly, and webs connect, even though I don't quite understand how, yet when I don't, it doesn't... Panopticon?  Perhaps... Maybe kharma is just a fickle bitch, like you, and only likes things done her way... But I digress... I don't understand it, the connection we share.  But again, my understanding is not required, obviously... Yeah, I miss you. But I also hate you.  I assume likewise.  We make our choices.  We made ours. And we need to live with it.  Anangi = need.  Funny how everything, somehow, one way or another, comes around, full circle.  The circle is closing though.  The file's, soon to be complete. I feel it. Do you? I suspect so. Don't reach out again. Not by text. Preferably not at all. But if you really need me...
Call.

ⓒ 2017 Shawn Michael Quinn