Antagonists Move

Sitting at the bar with bricks in my chest
Nervously sipping my 1st beer
The act attack as my koolaid drinking friends would call it
This anxiety envelopes me
Takes over me
Its the night of reading number 2
5 months after reading number one
And I've chose "The American Writer" as my piece for the evening
As if to remind me to speak gently
No aggression
No violence
No ambition
No judgement
Simplistic style of heart
And expression
Still the possibility of opinions overpower me
The image I desire to project
Is threatened
Subconscious becomes conscious
And it becomes that much more threatened
Logic of tonights insignificance to the world means nothing to this cornered animal
Its turning my stomach
Trying to make me shit
Or vomit
But the irishman in me doesn't fall victim to the latter
And so my ass tends to feel like my bladder
The music playing in the bar scene helps me feel laid back, inspired and relaxed
Even though I've no idea who is singing
My first guess would be simple minds
It reminds me of "Bring Out The Dancing Horses"
I want to wear the word like a vest
Wear the world like a badge on my chest
Like the silly Beats of yesteryear
But too I'm reminded that they not unlike me

Became overwhelmed by the fear in the readings
Enough to get wasted prior to reading
Enough to get belligerent during the reading
I suppose these thoughts well enough for me to reason away
They circle til I find ways to wash them away
Logic
Logic and reason
Logic and reason and justification
They water the anxiety down 
Just like the red stripe is as I swallow it down
Writers
Readers
Poets
Seekers
Lost souls circling same waters
Looking for camaraderie
Or notoriety
Whichever pays more
Or first
Anything to justify the ways that time is wasted in their existence
Success tends to shut people the fuck up
But it shouldn't matter anyway

ⓒ 2011 Shawn Michael Quinn