Plenty

I sat tonight reading the bible. I couldn't even get through the first section "Matthew." So much fear in it, so much preaching. If all of that was truly spoken by Jesus, I feel more pity for him than ever before. He was so forced to contradict himself just to show people truth, and freedom. So reduced to stories of fear as path to enlightenment. Could he have been so ahead of his time that he was unable to speak his mind without parables?  Even those closest to him could not begin to understand him. He abandoned his own family, and still, all of them, made him a God, betraying him. Judas, probably the only one who may have been able to somewhat understand him, is forever labeled as the one who betrayed him. Could Judas be the only one who did not actually betray him? Who Knows.. One thing is true, Jesus truly suffered possibly more than anyone in history, for our sake. And still, 2000 years later, is understood by so few. All the priests, popes, bishops, and holyrollers, throughout history and today, who swear they understand Jesus most likely still have only a spark of the understanding he had.  Even me, as I sit here pondering these questions, thinking that I see light through all this fear and darkness, am unable to do the things he Jesus did. I am no less man or God than he was, but I still am yet to be able bring forth such light unto myself, much less the whole world. The human race has quite a long way to go before we will be able to truly live the life Jesus lived. Blessed we are to have him as a picture of what we will one day become. Thank you!

I picture thousands of years in one insight. The molding and shaping of the world and the consciousness of its people over the course of time to the way things could be "on earth as they are in heaven." How slowly time progresses.. What a long way we have to go as a people. I know everything happens for a reason and all things are the only way they could be right now, but it has this overwhelming power to sadden me. I pity myself and this world that we cannot all at once snap out of this bullshit and move ourselves to heaven, and live in peace. Self-pity is not good, I know this even as I indulge in it, but why can we not just snap out of it? Patience, I suppose needs to be cultivated in me. As I have enjoyed saying so often recently, I guess I should recite it to myself, "when God created time, he made plenty of it, so what's the hurry? Enjoy each and every now that is present." Maybe if I say that a million times in my head, it might sink in. I suppose I have the time, right?  

All of this is blessed, all of it!